August 15, 2016

The Most of the Time

When we told Toby I was moving out, we told him we were having a hard time talking nice to each other and we were going to see if moving back to an apartment would help. I told him, remember when I lived in an apartment before and me and your dad could talk really nice to each other? Well we're going to see if it will help if I move back to an apartment. I told Toby that he could come and see my apartment whenever he wanted.

He said, "I'll just come with you right now." 

On the way to the apartment, he told me, "I'm just going to come live here with you the most of the time, and we can go visit my dad with Gracie sometimes."

I have never in my life experienced such an overwhelming mix of emotions as in that moment. When you become a step parent, you don't really think "if this marriage doesn't work out, I will happily take the kiddo with me." I mean, I know you don't really go into a marriage thinking that it won't work out, but you know what I mean. 

I had to play the child's advocate and say, "but your dad loves you and he will want to see you and he would be so sad" and "kids get to live with their moms and their dads," while I cried in the rear view mirror. I would have happily taken him and raised him by myself. 

And that is something so special about what Toby and I had. We were so secure in one another's company that if we could have, we would have stayed together for eternity. So don't you try to tell me that blood is thicker than water. If there is one thing I have learned, LOVE is thicker than water. 


  1. Beautiful thoughts, Liz. Thanks for sharing. You are awesome.

  2. I can only imagine how you must feel. Thanks for sharing. I wish, hope, and pray for you to find peace and happiness!

  3. Agreed. In my opinion, family is a group of people you CHOOSE. Yeah, when you're little and your parents drag you to see great auntie Ethel and her ill tempered Siamese cat, Prince George Cuddlepuff Flufflybutt, you don't have much choice in her being your family. But as you get older, you have a choice to stay close to those people or not. I don't call my mom's dad "Grandpa" because of choices he's made and the choice I have made to not have him in my life; that's a title I reserve for my dad, the grandpa for my nephew. On the flipside, I have a wonderful friend who has been there for me more than most of my relatives and I consider her my sister. I can't tell you how much it meant to me the day she introduced me as her her sister and how much it means that I am called aunt by her kids. Yeah, you may have no biological ties to Toby but you will always be his Liz.