August 23, 2013


I recently started working in trauma again. Being back has been amazing and emotionally overwhelming. The intensity of life and death and the people facing them is fulfilling and challenging in a way that is difficult to explain.

See, in trauma, life-changing and often devastating injuries come as a complete shock to both patients and their families. Some days it's harder to watch than others and when I leave work, I carry a profound heaviness with me. Last week I came home and sprawled out on my front lawn in bare feet and scrubs and stared at the sky. I didn't want to talk about it. I didn't feel like crying. I didn't feel like doing anything. I just stared at the sky. And when I was sufficiently decompressed, I got up and got back to life. Because life is the reason that I do what I do.

Because for everyone who doesn't make it, there's someone that does. For every patient who suffers brain death, others are saved by organ donation. For every spinal cord injury, there is someone who walks away miraculously uninjured.

And I just have to believe that there is more to all of this than just the luck of the draw. I have to believe that there is a God in Heaven who watches it all, who sees our tears falling, and has empathy for us in a way we can't comprehend. I have to believe it because when I go to work, I feel it. I feel God's love for his children. We are not just wandering meaninglessly through a dark life without purpose or hope. There is great purpose to our lives, and even to our suffering.

And though I don't understand it now, I know that someday, somehow, it will all be made right. Somehow Christ's atonement, will bring wholeness to those who have lost. Every sorrow will be recompensed and every tear will be wiped clean. And for now, that's enough to keep me going. 

August 13, 2013

Black Widows and Other Things

Well, the really great news is that the most stressful event of the last few days has been the part where my dad discovered about a dozen baby black widow spiders in my garage. We were able to take care of that little debacle, but the tricky part was that we couldn't find their progenitor, Le Widow herself. So, she's just hanging out somewhere making sure that anytime I feel the slightest itch, I enter a zone of panic previously only experienced with contemplating the claustrophobia associated with sleeping in a sleeping bag. 

I finally acquired a couch thanks to the lovely Brooke and Mark. I guess that means that I'm officially moved in to the new place? I also emptied out the last of my junk miscellaneous boxes last night which I'm pretty sure means that I deserve some sort of medal of honor for organization? I don't think it should count that I haven't actually put the miscellany away because at least it's all organized categorically?

In other news, the new job is fantastic, the biking in my new city is glorious, my new swimming pool is absolutely lovely, I'm using question marks and I'm headed to a baseball game this evening. Life is good, provided that I don't get arachnaphobified and die.

August 1, 2013

This is why I lay in Shavasana every night before I fall asleep

I was just reading a blog with the following picture posted on it. 
And I laughed out loud. Mostly because I can so relate.