August 23, 2013


I recently started working in trauma again. Being back has been amazing and emotionally overwhelming. The intensity of life and death and the people facing them is fulfilling and challenging in a way that is difficult to explain.

See, in trauma, life-changing and often devastating injuries come as a complete shock to both patients and their families. Some days it's harder to watch than others and when I leave work, I carry a profound heaviness with me. Last week I came home and sprawled out on my front lawn in bare feet and scrubs and stared at the sky. I didn't want to talk about it. I didn't feel like crying. I didn't feel like doing anything. I just stared at the sky. And when I was sufficiently decompressed, I got up and got back to life. Because life is the reason that I do what I do.

Because for everyone who doesn't make it, there's someone that does. For every patient who suffers brain death, others are saved by organ donation. For every spinal cord injury, there is someone who walks away miraculously uninjured.

And I just have to believe that there is more to all of this than just the luck of the draw. I have to believe that there is a God in Heaven who watches it all, who sees our tears falling, and has empathy for us in a way we can't comprehend. I have to believe it because when I go to work, I feel it. I feel God's love for his children. We are not just wandering meaninglessly through a dark life without purpose or hope. There is great purpose to our lives, and even to our suffering.

And though I don't understand it now, I know that someday, somehow, it will all be made right. Somehow Christ's atonement, will bring wholeness to those who have lost. Every sorrow will be recompensed and every tear will be wiped clean. And for now, that's enough to keep me going. 


  1. This is beautiful! Thanks for doing what you do and sharing your experience here.

    After surviving breast cancer and dancing with death, my sister shared some enlightenment from her experience: That our passion, our joy in this physical body is beyond what we may consciously know; that we relish every moment, the pain, the wounds, the disease and horror. That the immortal spirit will take what comes and, on some level, rejoice in it. Every bit of it. Because this mass of elements we inhabit is, indeed, a holy place. This life, this body - our greates gift from God. It rang true to me. It changed the way I see things. This posts rings true too. Thanks again.

  2. That's one way I deal with overwhelming things, decompress, empty the mind, be in God's creation. I also know that God sees and feels our tears, struggles, misunderstandings, confusion, joy, miracles and content.

  3. beautifully said. As always.

  4. This is a beautiful thought.

  5. I know this feeling! This is such a beautiful post! We need to catch up ps...I thought of you today:)