March 3, 2013

Intolerance of Uncertainty

Once upon a time, Kate told me that anxiety is just an intolerance of uncertainty.

In the immortally paraphrased words of Thomas Robinson:

Oh my gosh. I have that.

No, but seriously. I think one of the hardest things about life is that I don't know how it's going to end. I don't even know what's going to be in tomorrow's act.

For a long time, this made it nearly impossible for me to be decisive. Ironically, by refusing to make a decision, I was prolonging the period of uncertainty in my life. I wish I could say that the long time has ended, that I've suddenly and miraculously become extremely decisive. Not so. However, one thing I've learned I'm learning is that uncertainty is going to be with me everywhere I go.

If I take the new job, I might hate it.
If I take a chance on that new boy, it might end badly.
If I buy a house, I might feel an irrepressible need for freedom.
If I join that gym, it might be horrible/awful and I might waste my money.
If if if...

But you know, sometimes, I just have to look myself in the face and tell me that

Everything is Fine

Because everything is fine. Even if it's not all fine right this very second and even if I have no idea what the future is going to hold, I can move forward with the now knowing that God has never failed me yet,  and he probably has no plans to do so in the future, so really, it'll be okay.

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